My Room AKA the Most Delightful Place Ever

My room is a 10x10 space furnished with the hardest bed in
existence, a little vanity with a mirror that makes you look wider
than you are (I hope), a 1970's puke-green refrigerator that holds the
most precious item to me (a water bottle full of cold water), and a
television that gets the Indian Music Video Channel, the BBC, the
Weird French Movies Channel, and the Thai Soap Opera Channel. The
best attribute of this room is the ceiling fan that looks like a
regular standing fan that happens to be attached to the ceiling. It
also moves in a circular motion to access every bit of air in the
room. When lying on the bed you get waves of cool moving air every
time it makes a rotation. The wonderful side effect of this air
pattern is that it causes a little tornado of dust and hair on my
floor and pushes them in big circular motions so they attach to all
their friends and create a little dirt pile each morning so that I can
easily pick it up and don't have to sweep.
Another key feature of my room is the impenetrable screen
(this is not the same room as the setting for 'The Battle Zone'.
There are no mosquitoes in my room or my shower. I would like to here
state that a detachable shower head is vastly superior to a fixed one
to the point where I am not sure why fixed ones still exist.
There is one exception to the impervious nature of my room to
foreign flyers… the crawlers manage to get in. Specifically, little
red ants. I don't know where they live exactly but within 8 seconds
of me opening my fridge, they are ready to follow whatever food I
might have. I learned an important lesson the other night and have
now instituted a 'no drinking orange juice in bed' rule bc OJ really
rallies the troops and they SWARM. The ants are particularly fond of
crawling into my lap top which I can't imagine is good for either of
them.
And best of all I have a lizard and I named him 'best
friend' (no offense Sup). I don't see him too often bc he is stealthy
but he can't resist making a few bird sounds at night. I think he is
my protector from all biting insects. If the screens ever fail me, I
have a second line of defense. It is also possible that there are two
lizards bc sometimes his color looks different… in that case, I name
the other one 'second best friend'.
My room is also where I am secretly a bad Thai. I wear my
shoes in my room all the time. I know it's bad bc it will ruin my
habit of taking my shoes off before entering a room but it feels so
indulgent! Plus the last thing I want to do when I'm hauling my stuff
home from work is worry about taking off my shoes. And since I'm on a
feet kick let me tell you that I have finally found a place in the
world where I can BOTH wear sandals AND have clean feet. I know that
Team Morocco and Team El Salvador will not believe this (and let's
face it, Team NYC might have some trouble too) but honestly my feet
are always clear here. It could be the three showers a day or the
downpours of rain or the total lack of dust. Either way I think it's
a miracle.